Letting out my thoughts;

-You really have no clue how much you mean to me. I would do anything for you. Ive never loved anyone like I love you. Im still trying to figure how all this happened. I swore id never give someone the chance the chance to break my heart. I dont want to end up like my mom and dad. But I really believe you wont hurt me. I believe Friday proved that. You put a lot of effort into making sure I was okay with what went down. When we were laying down and you whispered you loved me there was no doubt in my mind that you were sincere. Thank you, you dont realize this, but you saved me. I love you. Always will

-Im sorry for the way everyone was acting at lunch Friday. I wanted nothing more then to join in, but I could see it was really upsetting you. We just really care about you. I hope you see that. I want to believe that she wont hurt you again. I want to believe she really has changed. But I just cant believe it. She is too set in her ways to change. I told you id trust you and im trying hard to stay true to my word. Just please, please, be careful.

-When you had Leighton give me back the notebook and I read it I very nearly threw it in the trash. I wanted to soooo badly. But I didnt because when im down, I know ill need some reminder that we did once have a really great friendship. You swear up and down you didnt replace me, yet you and Lidia went to Disney. Disney. It hurt a little seeing that. I still have your updates to my phone, god only knows why. Im taking you off my subscription list today. I need to let go a little at a time. I changed my mind, this is goodbye, because I cant fully let go if I dont say goodbye.

Call me a name, kill me with words;

Wow. I suck at this whole thing.

Well.
Me and Casey started talking again after that last post.
But it didnt feel the same.
Then she just dropped me again.
Ive stopped missing her.
Which I suppose is good.
But if its good, then why do I feel like a part of me is gone?

Ryan is the ONLY thing that keeps me going anymore.
God I love him.
I dont think he even gets how much I care for him.

Mothers being so stubborn.
I really really really need virtual school next year.
But she wont even consider it.
I really just cant do it anymore.
And she doesnt get it.
At all.
Shes pushing me too far to the edge.


Im scared.