Blahblahblahblah;

I just want to hug you.
And you.

I HATE being sick :/

Let the tears fall;

Im losing my freaking mind in this house
I cant stay here
I can feel myself backsliding
I dont want to go to darkness again
I want to stay happy

Go away;

Surrounded by so many people
And im all alone
They all stand in a circle
And im stuck in the outskirts
I dont belong so im excluded
Thats what its like everyday
And I dont like it

Ive found the cure to growing older;

And you're the only place that feels like home

We drove past Ju-Ju's grave today
I didnt even know him
Since he died when I was a few months old
But I feel really connected to him
Everyone knew him
And everyone is so fond of him
No one has one bad thing to say about him
Hearing my mom talk about him made me want to cry
The way she talked about him was...hard to explain I guess
I wish I had knew him

That dream last night was too weird
Im still confused
Was it just random?
Or did it have a deeper meaning?
Im deciding to ignore it either way
I think thats probably best.....

Lies lies and more lies;

"Wade says hey and he loves you"

That keeps popping up in my head
"he loves you"
If my dad loves me,
Then why havent I talked to or seen him in months?
Why doesnt he act like he cares about me?
Im just a small speck in the back of his mind
Completely unwanted

Again today I was reminded of how much I dont fit in
I want to fit in somewhat....
But at the same time I dont want to forget who I am
And what I stand for
Blah, I suck

Oh and I need to figure out a way to stop the roller coaster
But I have to be careful not to de-rail it
Fantastic.....

Sophomores FTW?;

So today was actually really decent
I was so nervous
But it ended up okay
I remember this day last year
I was texting my mom almost in tears asking her to pick me up
She didnt, of course
But I knew it was all downhill from there
I have a feeling this year will be good
Atleast I hope so
Ive finally found hapiness and im NOT giving it up without a fight
I refuse

On a different note my weight is getting out of control
Ive hit 106
I need to start working out again
But I am not giving up my food
I love food far too much<3
Infact, theres a canoli calling my name in the fridge
Hellooooooo(:

Dont waste your time on me;

you're already the voice inside my head.
I miss you.

I feel like I've lost you
Like you are too far gone for me to get you back
You were a great friend to me
Now you have changed so much
You aren't the same at all
Maybe its all for the best
But I still read your blogs
Hoping maybe you might mention me
Though I know that wont happen
Its still nice to hope

I hate seeing a movie or a show that has the same situation you are in
And everything works out perfectly there
But in your own life things aren't so great
In real life there isn't always happy endings
Or at least they don't come without pain
Ive had my happy ending all along I suppose
I'm just wrecking it myself
Self destruction
I'm getting really good at that
Maybe I'm too far over my head at this point

Oh and yesterday was fantastic
I love you Ryan<3