Im such a weird person.
SO.
Caseys back in the picture. *SHOCKER*
We had a girls night and it felt great to know I actually DO have friends
But things seem so different
Im still having a hard time wrapping my head around it
A few months ago you laughed when Levi tried making out with you
Now you are passing me
Me and Ryan have been dating almost 15 months
I feel like a failure
Like ive failed as a girlfriend
Even if Ryan says its okay how slow I move, I know it bothers him
I feel like everyone around me is moving and im stuck in one spot
WHY CANT YOU JUST TAKE THAT NEXT STEP TORY?!
Im a little kid stuck in a 15 year olds body
Personally im okay with that, but it cant be that way
God, when did things become all about sex?
I feel like ive lost sight of who I am
Of what I stand for
Im getting caught up in everything
Im a mess.
Im going insane
I miss middle school
Tuesday, June 29, 2010
Friday, June 11, 2010
Rants are wonderful;
Its summer and all I do all summer is sit here doing nothing
I eat 10 times more then I should, but I dont care
I should care because I need to keep weight for weightlifting
But I have time to work out
I say I will, but I know I wont
I have a fear of gettig fat
But its not bad enough to turn into an eating disorder
I love food and eating wayyy too much
Though I used to say I loved myself too much to even consider harming myself
But thats a different story
Anyways, there was a point in all of this
Since I have no life I read other peoples blogs
So I can see how thier life is
After reading some peoples, heres some stuff I have to say
Drugs-Dont make you cool. They are super gross and can really mess a person up. Getting high may make you feel on top of the world for a little, but in the end what do you really get out of it? You become addicted. You let drugs lead your life. What kind of life is that?
Drinking-Why cant people just wait until they are 21? Its really not that big of a deal. Its only a few years. Drinking compromises your thinking. You do things drunk you may very well regret sober. Im not trying to preach here but its just so stupid.
Cutting-When I see that people are cutting it makes me so sad. I just want to hug them and tell them they dont need a blade. Im willing to listen. I wont judge you, I promise. Ive told you this before, even though you dont know it was me, I think your scars make you beautiful.
You-You need some major help. Eating disorder, cutting, drugs, abuse. Its not healthy. You truly believe the blade brings you ultimate happiness and thats completly twisted. You dont even know that I know these things.
You-Your decisions are getting more stupid every time you make one.
Blah, im done here I guess
This world is so effed up
If 2012 is real, we deserve it
Hey aliens, have I given you enough info? Have I done a good enough job screwing up?
I eat 10 times more then I should, but I dont care
I should care because I need to keep weight for weightlifting
But I have time to work out
I say I will, but I know I wont
I have a fear of gettig fat
But its not bad enough to turn into an eating disorder
I love food and eating wayyy too much
Though I used to say I loved myself too much to even consider harming myself
But thats a different story
Anyways, there was a point in all of this
Since I have no life I read other peoples blogs
So I can see how thier life is
After reading some peoples, heres some stuff I have to say
Drugs-Dont make you cool. They are super gross and can really mess a person up. Getting high may make you feel on top of the world for a little, but in the end what do you really get out of it? You become addicted. You let drugs lead your life. What kind of life is that?
Drinking-Why cant people just wait until they are 21? Its really not that big of a deal. Its only a few years. Drinking compromises your thinking. You do things drunk you may very well regret sober. Im not trying to preach here but its just so stupid.
Cutting-When I see that people are cutting it makes me so sad. I just want to hug them and tell them they dont need a blade. Im willing to listen. I wont judge you, I promise. Ive told you this before, even though you dont know it was me, I think your scars make you beautiful.
You-You need some major help. Eating disorder, cutting, drugs, abuse. Its not healthy. You truly believe the blade brings you ultimate happiness and thats completly twisted. You dont even know that I know these things.
You-Your decisions are getting more stupid every time you make one.
Blah, im done here I guess
This world is so effed up
If 2012 is real, we deserve it
Hey aliens, have I given you enough info? Have I done a good enough job screwing up?
Monday, June 7, 2010
Why do things like this happen?
She's dying.
Her cancer has gotten way worse.
The doctors havent given her long.
She has three choices and she is leaning toward just giving up.
When you texted me and told me that my heart just stopped.
I almost cried.
She isnt even my mom and I feel like ive been stabbed.
This isnt fair.
I told you to be strong.
I told you to trust in her descision.
But I cant even take my own advice.
On Thursday you will be telling me what she decides.
Im scared.
Her cancer has gotten way worse.
The doctors havent given her long.
She has three choices and she is leaning toward just giving up.
When you texted me and told me that my heart just stopped.
I almost cried.
She isnt even my mom and I feel like ive been stabbed.
This isnt fair.
I told you to be strong.
I told you to trust in her descision.
But I cant even take my own advice.
On Thursday you will be telling me what she decides.
Im scared.
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